


A Long Time Coming

by abbas_ragamuffin



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Charles x Raven, F/M, Jealous Charles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-08 02:57:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1924137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbas_ragamuffin/pseuds/abbas_ragamuffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt fill on tumblr - Charles gets jealous/angry when Raven starts dating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Date

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Raven's first boyfriend and Charles responding angrily and Raven couldn't understand why he's mad.
> 
> The story deviates slightly from the prompt, but I hope you enjoy anyway. It's written in a 5 times format. Well, 4 times Charles gets jealous/angry and 1 time he doesn't.

Raven smoothed the skirt over her legs, her body humming with the anticipation of her first date. The black dress had a short skirt but was modest nonetheless, not wanting to draw undue attention to herself, or rather, give Charles a heart attack. There was no shortage of young men vying for her attention, but for all their flirtation not one of them had actually asked her out. Andrew was sweet like Charles, but she wasn’t really interested in him beyond friendship. Perhaps she should’ve said as much, but she was just too excited that he had even asked.

Besides, there was really only one man whose attention she was after. Her hope was that if she started dating, Charles would no longer see her as a child but as a young woman. The women he flirted with at the bars could all be her sisters. What did they have that she didn’t? Well, she knew it had nothing to do with her appearance and everything to do with who she was in his life – who he made her.

Studying her reflection in the full length mirror, her blonde hair changed to the more familiar red; smooth, pale white skin became blue and scaled. She shifted from human to mutant and back again, wondering if she would ever be accepted for who she was – no longer bearing the burden of having to hide. Charles accepted her to a point, but lately, though, it seemed her mutation was more a distraction for him than it used to be.

It left her feeling even more isolated and alone when he had been the only one who ever truly accepted and cared for her. Who else could she talk to about this who would understand? She had always thought it was going to be the two of them against the world. She assumed the natural progression would lead them to become a couple, accepting and loving each other when no one else would.

But it was becoming painfully apparent that he would only ever see her as his sister, as a friend – ‘ _his charge_ ’ and nothing more. Releasing a heavy sigh, she shifted back to the blonde hair and white skin she was growing to despise. With one last glance in the mirror, she turned off her light and left her room.

“How do I look?” she asked, entering the room. Charles scribbled away on a pad of paper, tirelessly working on his thesis.

“Hm?” He looked up briefly, than doing a double take, his eyes travelled the length of her body. For a moment, he looked at her the way he looked at all those other girls and her smile widened, hoping her little scheme had worked. But then clearing his throat, he shifted in the leather chair and continued writing.

“You look lovely. What’s the occasion?” he asked nonchalantly, not lifting his eyes from the page.

“I have a date…” she announced, disappointed at the sudden shift in his reaction.

“You have a…what?” He dropped the pen, reclining in his chair, and with the way he stared at her, Raven wished more than ever that she could read his mind. Her smile faded, trying to discern if it was anger or disgust that filled his eyes.

“A date, you know…with a guy.” She replied, a biting edge of sarcasm in her voice.

“Yes, I know...” he rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh, “Why?” The question made her pause. Did she need a reason to go on a date?

“Because…he asked me?” she replied, sounding more like a question than an answer.

“He asked you?” he repeated incredulously, as though a man asking her out was too absurd a notion for him to grasp. “And if he asks for a kiss or to have sex with you are you going to do it just because he asked?”

“Charles?!” She was hurt more than angry at his harsh words, confused where this behavior was coming from. He blinked at her, a more familiar softness and warmth returning to his brown eyes.

“Forgive me, Raven; that was uncalled for.” He raked a hand through his hair, scratching his scalp and looking at a loss. “I just…I don’t recall giving you permission to go on a date. You didn’t even ask me…”

“I didn’t think I needed to.” His eyebrows raised with a smile, laughing slightly.

“I’m responsible for you and your safety, Raven; of course you need to ask me.”

“I thought you’d be, I don’t know, happy for me or something.” Something akin to guilt flashed his eyes and she seized the opportunity. “So can I go?” He glared skeptically at her, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Who is he?”

“A guy from school…” she said, deciding that Charles didn’t need to know that Andrew was a senior. He shook his head, and Raven wondered if he'd read her mind after all.

“You’re only sixteen Raven, you don’t need to be thinking about boys and relationships right now.”

“Then why do you bring all those girls home when you should be focusing on your thesis?” she challenged smugly.

“Raven…” he began, interrupted by a gentle, but persistent knocking.

“That’s him…” Raven rushed to the door, hoping if she got there first Charles wouldn’t stop her. “Don’t wait up for us.”

“I absolutely _will_ wait up…” he said, trailing hot on her heels. “I want you home at nine,”

“Eleven.”

“Nine.”

“Eleven…” She opened the door before Charles could argue further. “Hi…”

“Hey…” Andrew greeted, his eyes sweeping appreciatively up and down her body. She still had no idea where they were going, but at the sight of Andrew in a black three piece suit, she knew it would be fancy. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” He flashed her a bright smile, stepping over the threshold. Raven was trying to push him back out the door to make a hasty exit when Charles cleared his throat. She stopped, smiling to her brother. “Charles, this is Andrew; Andrew, this is my _brother_ Charles…”

“It’s nice to meet you, man.” Andrew held out his hand and Raven knew by the subtle movement of Charles’ fingers against his temple that he was reading the boys mind. She glared at him, silently pleading with him to be civil.

“Nice to meet you.” Charles forced a tight smile as they shook hands. “Have her home at ten please and not a minute later.”

“Charles…”

“Not a minute later or I will come looking for you.” There was an obstinate glare in his eyes and Raven knew better than to argue with him.

“Don’t worry; I will have her home on time.” Andrew assured him, looking slighly unnerved. Raven suppressed the urge to laugh to see a six foot tall basketball player nervous to meet her much shorter, much less intimidating brother. But then, Charles did seem to have a heavy and commanding presence despite his smaller stature.

“Good man.” As they released hands, Raven ushered her date out the door. “Have a good time…” he added grudgingly.

“We will…” she smiled victoriously, closing the door behind them.

“Your brother is kind of intense.” Andrew said quietly as they stepped outside.

“Yea, sometimes he’s more of a father. He’s very protective of me.”

“I can see that.”

The restaurant he took her to was extravagant, he obviously came from money like Charles did. Andrew took the liberty of ordering for her, and Raven politely bit her tongue. She didn't want to make a scene. They were the youngest couple in the room; the glares from the older couples and business men, though not disapproving, made Raven feel even more self-conscious. For once, she was actually grateful for her human disguise, shuddering to think what would happen were she in her natural form.

She focused on the handsome face of her date to distract from her discomfort. His pale skin contrasted sharply to his jet black hair and vibrant green eyes. Here was a man who was carefree, who knew little of what it meant to struggle. His passion for life was obvious, seeing only a bright future paved with endless possibilities before him. As Andrew talked on and on about his family and all his accomplishments, she still couldn’t help but wish that it was Charles sitting across from her.

While Andrew may have been the more traditional definition of handsome, she was ever more attracted to Charles. She didn’t care that Andrew was taller with a more athletic body. Charles’ gentleness and humility, his compassion for others and unique ability to empathize made him especially handsome. His boyish charm was endearing and it wasn’t surprising that he had no problem picking up women – even while using that ridiculous pick up line.

As the night dragged on at alarming slowness, the more her _brother’s_ behavior bothered her. She had been so excited; all this was done in hopes that he would see her as someone beautiful and desirable and worthy to be pursued. Yet everything in his words and actions indicated that the thought of anyone dating her – of desiring her – was absurd. His words cut straight to her heart leaving her feeling uglier than her blue skin, red hair and yellow eyes.

It was confusing, making her even more angry as she thought about it. If he was allowed to date any number of women, or just bring them all home for just one night, then she should be allowed to date anyone she chose. Charles was many things but hypocritical had never been one of them. He had been her guardian ever since he found her and maybe she’d become a little too comfortable in allowing him to always take care of everything.

In hindsight, perhaps she should’ve stayed home, but now she was trying to prove a point. Asserting her independence and not allowing Charles to control her life was worth an evening with a dull, arrogant, completely self-absorbed human.

* * *

The pendulum swung back and forth; Charles watched the seconds tick by in the old grandfather clock – his thesis long forgotten on his desk. The dishes were washed and put away, the living room organized, cleaned and dusted – seeking anything that would occupy his mind to pass the time. The clock would strike ten any moment and Raven was still not home. They had been gone over two hours, and his mind raced through all the scenarios of where she was, or rather, what they were doing.

It happened overnight, it seemed. Yesterday they were children and today she is sixteen and starting to date. He felt blindsided – completely unprepared for the sudden change in their routine. Of course he was happy for her, all he wants is her happiness – which is why his behavior baffled him. The words he said clearly shocked and upset her – he shocked and upset himself.

It wasn’t even _her_ behavior he was worried about. The boy didn’t seem to have any violent or sexual intentions, which is why he let her go. But her exposure to the world had been somewhat limited due to his protective inclinations. She was by no means naïve about the world they lived in. Quite the contrary, she knew only too well the horrors this world was full of. He couldn’t help but fear that he somehow set her up to be an easy target for more manipulative men.

 _This was Raven_ … he reminded himself again; she was more responsible and mature then most adults he knew. He had nothing to worry about.

Then again, for all they knew, Raven was older than him biologically. When he found her that night, she knew hardly anything about herself apart from her memory of her parents trying to kill her. She was hesitant even then to be labeled as his sister, but he convinced her it was the safest course of action. They decided when her birthday would be, made up fake details about her life to sell the illusion. An odd thought: that someone else’s negligence and abuse brought him the best friend he’s ever had – someone he could never live without.

The clock chimed repeatedly as the minute hand struck ten, interrupting his thoughts. Charles already had his shoes on and heading for the door, he pulled his leather jacket around his shoulders. As he reached for the doorknob, Raven’s laughter echoed through the hall. Sighing in relief, he kicked off his shoes, re-hung his coat and returned to the couch, pretending to study. They lingered outside the door, their voices low and Charles strained to hear them.

Rather than try to listen in, Charles again read the boys mind. He wanted a kiss, and upon hearing Raven’s polite decline, Charles sent the boy away before he could pressure her. There was a moment of silence as he waited before Raven entered the apartment, casting a suspicious glare his way.

“Raven...” he said calmly with a smile as if he hadn’t been pacing around all night, worried out of his mind. A thin line spread on her lips, a forced gesture of civility on her way to her bedroom.

“Did you have fun?” he asked after her, expecting that she would’ve sat beside him and talked his ear off, giving him all the details.

“It was fine…” came her curt reply, closing her bedroom door with a soft click.  Charles buried his face in his hands, chiding himself as he rubbed his eyes in aggravation. After the way he treated her tonight, who could blame her if she never wanted to speak to him again. He considered knocking on her door and apologizing for his brash behavior. Instead he picked up his book and tried once more to study, now that Raven was home safe.

“Busy?” she asked quietly, exiting the bathroom. She’d already changed out of her dress and into her pajamas, shifting back into her blue skin.

“Not too busy for you.” He smiled, patting the spot next to him. She moved to the couch, but sat on the opposite end. The distance she put between them bothered him in a way he couldn’t describe; it irked him like a small pebble in his shoe.

“So, how was your first date?” he asked again, filling the silence.

“I told you it was fine.” She replied in a huff. Raven didn’t look happy at all, not nearly as happy as she was just before their little spat. He wanted desperately to read her mind, if only to know for himself what she was feeling – to ensure that nothing had happened. But a promise was a promise.

“Where did you go?” he persisted when she still hadn’t answered.

“Dinner...we were going to see a movie, but there wasn’t time for both.” She said, accusation burning in her eyes. But before he could reply, she continued, “Charles, can we talk?” she asked, finally turning to face him.

“Of course, you know you can talk to me about anything.” He closed his book and held it in his lap, giving her his full attention.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked bluntly. He would’ve laughed but for the confused and serious glare in her eyes. Even if his words were harsh, they came from a place of love and the desire to keep her safe. She did know that, didn’t she?

“No, not at all. Why would you even think that?” she shrugged, averting her eyes to some obscure spot on the floor.

“The way you acted tonight…”

“Yes, I’m sorry about that. You just caught me off guard, Raven; perhaps I overreacted.”

“Perhaps?” a wry smile formed on her lips, her gaze drifting back to meet his eyes.

“I just worry about you…”

“I’m not a child anymore, Charles. I can take care of myself, you know…”

“I know.” He whispered, only too aware of the truth in her words. They couldn’t stay children forever, and not that he wanted to, but he wished that he could’ve slowed time – to make it last just a little longer.

“And for future reference, don’t read the minds of my dates..." she demanded suddenly, "You’ve promised to never read my mind, please extend that promise to anyone I happen to bring home.”

“Fine. The next time a boy asks you out, please ask my permission before you agree?” She rolled her eyes, releasing a heavy sigh.

“Fine…” she mumbled, playfully hitting him with a pillow as she curled up against his side, resting her head on his shoulder. Instinctively, he wanted to drape his arm across her shoulders, hugging her closer to his side. But he stretched his arm straight out on the couch, not allowing himself to hold her.

“Will you read to me? I’m exhausted.”

“I can’t, I need to study for my thesis and thanks to your antics I haven’t touched a book all night.”

“So read your thesis, it always sends me right off…” Charles didn’t skip a beat and started reading the familiar passage yet again. Though he’d never admit it out loud, these were his favorite moments. They were few and far between, but he treasured the feel of her snuggled against him. Were he able, he would stop the world around them, freezing time in this moment.

* * *

 

His arm stretched out beside her and Raven couldn’t help but wish that he would wrap it around her, holding her tightly against him. But she knew he wouldn’t. Raven closed her eyes with a contented sigh, his soft, accented voice soothed something deep inside her. It was a comfort to all her insecurity, anger, and fear. She clung to it, snuggling closer. If ever there was a place that she called home – a place that she felt safe – this was it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First off, I am so sorry for the delay. Real life came in wreaked havoc. Thanks to everyone who left kudos or bookmarked the story! You're response feeds my muse :))) So here's the new chapter. I hope you enjoy it!!

The sun had begun its descent into the horizon; the cloudy sky growing darker as Charles raced home, carrying a wrapped gift in one hand and balancing a cake in the other. Of all the birthday's he could have forgotten, this was the worst. Raven turned eighteen today, and he left the apartment in such a rush he barely acknowledged her much less wished her a happy birthday. It was still early enough in the day that he could play it off as though he had this planned all along, and that he only pretended to forget in order to surprise her.

After his classes ended he went straight to the shops, not even sure what to buy her. She hardly ever wore jewelry without an occasion and a shortage of clothing was not something she suffered from. It had been so much easier shopping for gifts when they were children, but with each passing year the more difficult it became. He finally settled on a modest-looking navy blue dress and a new scarf, something for her to wear when he takes her out tonight.

At long last he could stop ordering her cola's when they went out together. Although, that thought was equally disturbing. It was far too much power to give to a hormonal teenager, Charles thought anxiously. Raven had become a mystery, growing ever more defiant and self-aware with each passing day. He loved her all the more for it, but he still couldn't help but miss the simplistic days of their youth.

Approaching their door he slowed his pace, taking long deep breaths to appear calm and composed.

"Raven?" he called, trying to find out where she was.

"In here…" came her voice from the living room. He cringed at the bitter tone in her voice as he snuck into the kitchen, setting her gift on the table. He opened the refrigerator door, placing the small cake carefully on a shelf.

"Do you want anything to drink?" he offered.

"No thank you…" Tucking her present under his arm, Charles walked to the living room, leaning against the doorframe. Raven lay curled up on the couch, an open book resting in her lap; she hadn't even changed out of her bathrobe. She didn't look up to see him; her head resting on the arm of the couch. He didn't need to read her mind to know she was upset with him.

"Why do you sound so depressed?" he asked playfully, feigning ignorance.

"I'm just tired…" She replied with a dismissive shrug of her shoulder. He approached the couch slowly, kissing her temple affectionately as he crouched down, propping his elbow beside her head. Her eyes focused intensely on the book, deliberately ignoring his presence.

"Well brighten up," he said, holding the box above her, "I bought you a gift…"

"You remembered!" she shouted, grabbing the box as she sat up.

"Of course I remembered. Have I ever forgotten your birthday?" She shook it back and forth to guess what it might be, than clutched it against her chest as she finally met his eyes.

"No, but you were just so distracted this morning I assumed you forgot."

"Yes, my apologies." Her eyes never left his, shining bright with gratitude and joy. It was as if he'd given her the world rather than just a simple birthday present. "Are you going to open your present or just sit there hugging it?" A bright smile lit up her face as she eagerly tore the wrapping paper and opened the box, tossing the tissue paper aside.

"A new dress and scarf…" She stood up, holding the fabric against her body. "They're beautiful."

"You like them?"

"I love them." She replied, gently setting the items back in the box.

"Excellent, then go change. It is your eighteenth birthday and I'm taking you for a night on the town. And when we get home, there will be cake..." her bright smile faded as her eyes turned serious, the exact opposite reaction he'd been expecting at the promise of cake.

"But what about…don't you have to work on your thesis?" Her words caught him off guard, piercing right to his heart. Did she really believe he would ignore her birthday in favor of schoolwork?

"I think I can take at least one night off. Honestly, Raven, I know I've been busy lately but the fact that you think my thesis is more important than you has me concerned. Have I been neglecting you?" There was a teasing edge to his voice, but he feared her answer.

"No, but, sometimes it seems like I'll be old and grey and you'll still be writing that thing…"

He chuckled lightly, "Trust me, darling, I feel the same way. But alas, I'll be done soon and then we can go home." Raven smiled and nodded, but didn't reply. Charles brought Raven to England knowing she wasn't crazy about the idea; changing schools, leaving her friends and their familiar life behind to go to foreign country where they knew no one. She adapted extremely well, perhaps even better than he did, but he could see that she wasn't always happy here. 

"Do you miss it – home?"

"Home is wherever your family is, Charles. I would be miserable if you were here and I was still in NY..." a slow smile crept upon his face, comforted beyond measure to hear her say that. 

"I couldn't agree more." he cleared his throat, clapping his hands together. "Now, I know a night on the town with your older brother may not sound all that great, however…" she threw her arms around his neck, pressing her full body firm against him, hugging him tighter than she ever had before. He squeezed her as hard as he could, as if the tighter he hugged her, the more she would understand just how much he loved her – how much he needed her.

"Thank you…" came her voice against his ear. She kissed his cheek, then grabbing the box, she ran to her bedroom.

Charles fell to the couch with a heavy sigh, relieved to have salvaged the day. She's only been an adult for a few hours, and already that old familiar fear snuck back into his conscious mind. It was the thought that had been nagging him almost all day; a fact which he's known for years, one which he ignored as often as possible – Raven wouldn't be with him forever.

Their life as he knew it was coming to an end. He would be graduating soon, and they would finally return home together. It was only a matter of time until Raven moved on with her life, and the fear that he would be alone again was closer than ever. Not that he would never see her again, but that she wouldn't be in his life as a constant companion made him feel hollow and weak. She felt somehow woven into his soul – who would he be without Raven?

When he found her that night in his kitchen, she hardly knew anything about herself apart from her memory of her parents trying to kill her and the subsequent struggle to survive. She was hesitant even then to be labeled as his sister, but he convinced her it was the safest course of action. They decided when her birthday would be, made up fake details about her life to sell the illusion. It was an odd thought: that someone else's negligence and abuse brought him the best friend he's ever had – someone he could never live without.

"How do I look?" came her cheerful voice, pulling him from his thoughts. She came bounding toward him, twirling in a circle like a model on a runway.

The dress had been a mistake, he realized too late. It looked much more modest on the hanger. The navy blue fabric clung to her, accentuating her curves in ways he should never have seen, revealing the body of someone no longer a child, but not yet an adult. The pale mint green scarf drew his attention from the dangerously low plunge of the neckline. The image left him uncomfortably aware of how desirable she truly was.  _Sister…she is your sister…_  he chided himself repeatedly, rising to his feet.

"You look stunning…" he offered his elbow casually, but inside he was shaking like a leaf. This was going to be a very long night… "Shall we?"

With the brightest smile he'd seen in months, she linked their arms. "We shall…"

* * *

 

The night had truly been perfect. The gifts he bought her paled in comparison to the joy of having Charles all to herself for an entire evening. They laughed like they used to, completely wrapped up in each other in their own little world. After dinner, Charles took her to the usual pub; he hadn't so much as glanced at another woman, not even the blonde sitting at the bar as he ordered their drinks. She didn't want this night to end; she wanted to stay in this moment – as the center of his world – for as long as possible.

"Alright, darling," he began, returning to their table with two drinks, "Here is your first beer…"

"Thank you…" Charles smiled as he sat down, watching her intently as she brought the glass to her lips. She recoiled at the bitter taste on her tongue, struggling to swallow it. She was tempted to just spit it back into the glass, but in a crowed bar, she forced the vile liquid down her throat.

"Ugh, how could you drink this?" she coughed, setting the glass on table, pushing it away.

"It's an acquired taste." He replied, chuckling slightly.

"Why would anyone take another sip, let alone drink enough to  _acquire_  a taste for it?" she pushed the glass further away, and Charles set it beside him, no doubt to drink it himself. She looked for something – anything – to rid the taste from her mouth.

"I bought this one as a backup…" Charles said, setting a much smaller glass in front of her. She stared skeptically at the bright green drink, not at all sure she wanted to try it.

"What's this?" she asked, tentatively wrapping her fingers around the stem of the glass.

"It's called a grasshopper."

"A drink named after a bug…" she mumbled sarcastically, bringing the drink to her nose, pleasantly surprised by the strong scent of mint that filled her nostrils. She took a small, slow first sip, relishing the cool, almost overly sweet contrast on her tongue.

"Hmm, that's not bad." She said, licking her lips, immediately taking a much larger sip.

"Drink slowly, Raven, drinks like this one go down easy and you'll be drunk before you know it." He warned, taking a sip of his beer.

"I'll be careful…" she winked playfully over the rim of her glass. Warmth surged through her, flushing her skin a soft shade of pink. She danced in her seat with the beat of the music, smiling mischievously at Charles as a plan hatched in her mind.

"Will you dance with me?" The light of amusement was gone from his eyes as a wave a fear washed over his features.

"I don't dance…" he replied dryly. Raven couldn't help but giggle.

"Oh come on, please?" she pouted her lips, knowing how effective it was in getting her what she wanted.

"Raven…" he began, his voice rising slightly. She smiled coyly, than began looking around the pub.

"Well, if you won't dance with me I'll find someone who will…" she stated, rising from her chair. "There're plenty of young men to choose from." It had the desired effect. He rolled his eyes as he stood, taking her hand in his.

"Very well,  _one_  dance." His palm was clammy and sweating; if she didn't know better she would think he was nervous. She smiled inwardly when the fast-paced music that had been playing changed to a slower, more intimate song. She could sense his sudden discomfort in the rigid lines of his arms, but he didn't let her go. His arm circled around her waist, pulling her just a little closer.

She closed her eyes, breathing in the musky scent of his aftershave. She was tempted to close the remaining distance between them; to rest her head on his shoulder. Her fingers itched with the desire to slide up his neck and tangle in his hair. But these were the actions of a couple, she reminded herself, and she had to keep herself under control. If only she could tell him how long she'd been waiting to be held in his arms like this, and not fear his rejection.

"See, it's not so bad…" she teased. He only smiled.

"Are you having fun, darling?"

"Fun doesn't even begin to describe it - I'm having the best night of my life." he spun her away, and they laughed together as he pulled her back against him.

"Good…" She held his gaze for a long, silent moment, their faces mere inches apart. It was just like in a movie – the gaze they share right before the leading man leans in and claims a soft kiss. But in this case, she would be the one to lean in and kiss him first. The song ended abruptly, disrupting her reverie as Charles released her, squeezing her hand.

"I'll be right back, love."

"Alright…" she forced a smile, her eyes trailing after him until he disappeared down the small corridor. She barely had a chance to take two steps toward their table when a young man stepped in front of her.

"Hey there, Raven." He was just slightly taller than she was, shaggy brown hair and green eyes. She recognized his face, and by the emblem on his sweater, she knew he was one of Charles' classmates.

"Hello…" she replied politely, trying to step passed him.

"May I have this dance?" he asked, blocking her path.

She took a step back, glaring at him as she replied, "I was just about to sit down…" She stepped to the left and again tried to pass him.

"I'm Owen; I go to school with Charles…" he persisted, standing in her path once more.

"Yes, I recognize you." He smiled at that, his dark green eyes traveling the length of her body.

"I thought Charles was your brother…" he said, his eyes finally meeting hers.

With as much as Raven despised being seen as his sister, she was surprised to hear herself reply, "He is…"

"I'd never dance with my sister like that…" he said, a suggestive smirk forming on his lips.

She rolled her eyes, "He was just being nice. It's my birthday and I wanted to dance…" She said in a huff of annoyance, pushing passed him.

"Well, happy birthday. Allow me to buy you another drink, then…" he said, the alcohol slurring his already accented words. Raven glanced around the bar, Charles was still nowhere in sight.

"Just one…" she agreed, not even sure why. She followed him to the bar, leaning against the wall as he ordered her another grasshopper.

"Here ya go…" she accepted the drink with a small smile.

"Thank you…"

"Cheers…" They clinked their glasses, each taking a large sip of their drink.

"So it's just the two of you, then? No parents?"

"No parents…we were genetically created in a lab experiment…" she deadpanned. It took him a moment to process, but he laughed at her cleverly disguised joke.

"Is that why Charles is studying genetics, always rambling on about mutation?"

"Exactly…" She laughed, letting her guard down just a little. He placed his hand on the wall beside her head, leaning in just a little closer.

"So, do you have plans later?"

"Yes,  _we_  do." She replied pointedly.

"Well, Charles seems to have disappeared from the bar…" Owen said, not even looking around, "Do you think he'd mind if I…"

"Yes." She interrupted quickly. It didn't even matter what he was about to suggest, she wanted no part of it.

"Pity…" the man mumbled with a mischievous grin. Raven watched as Charles returned, and seeing their table empty, he scanned the pub. When he saw her he smiled, and sat beside the blonde at the bar. She couldn't decide if she was grateful he was allowing her to socialize or angry that he was ignoring her on  _their_  night out. But then, she'd accepted Owen's offer for a drink, it wasn't Charles' fault.

"Can I buy you another?" he offered. Raven looked down, confused to see her glass empty. Did she drink it all already?

"Sure…" she smiled briefly, handing him the glass and as he turned away, her gaze drifted back to Charles.

Raven had always watched him, always marveled at the way he carried himself. She envied his confidence, envied even more the peace he had with himself. Charles could never truly understand her, his mutation wasn't as visible as blue skin and red hair. It was a constant conflict – wanting to be accepted for who she was, but terrified of being seen. As often as she thought about dating, Charles was the only man she could imagine being with.

Charles already knew her better than anyone, he knew her secrets, her hopes and fears. He was the only person to ever touch her, even if it was only a friendly hug or affectionate kiss to her forehead. She enjoyed the attention; Charles in and of himself was the only peace she had ever truly known. Perhaps that's why it bothered her so much to see him with other women, because one way or the other, he didn't truly need her. He would always mean more to her than she would ever mean to him.

"Here you go…"

"Thank you…" she drank a bit too fast against Charles' warning. Warmth surged through her veins making her skin tingle, feeling suddenly lightheaded. It was her third drink and Raven finally understood what it meant to be  _buzzed_.

"Well, perhaps you and I could celebrate your birthday again, maybe this Saturday night?" Raven forced a tight smile, looking over his shoulder to Charles. He had stopped flirting entirely, now watching her intently.

"I'm flattered, but I work this weekend." she replied. 

"Where do you work?"

"I'm a waitress…" she said, deliberately avoiding the question.

"Do you work every night?"

"No…" she giggled absentmindedly, not even sure what she was laughing at. He leaned in even closer and before he could reply, she heard Charles' voice.

"Raven, get your coat please, it's time to go." Her smile faded instantly at the stern edge in his voice.

"Oh come on, Charles, she'll only turn eighteen once." Owen said, staring at Charles, a clear warning lit in his eyes. Raven had never seen such a murderous glare in Charles' eyes before.

"You're twenty-two and she is my sister…it's time to go…" he repeated, his eyes never leaving Owen.

"Can't we stay awhile longer?" she pleaded, her lips forming the pout he so despised for his inability to say no when she used it. She didn't want to stay with Owen, but she definitely didn't want to go home yet.

"Now, Raven…" Charles commanded gently.

The two men glared daggers at each other, and Raven worried that Charles might do something stupid, like wipe the memory of this night from Owen's fogged mind. She slipped from the wall stepping passed them, retrieving her coat from her chair. The pattern had become clear; Charles only behaved this way when she was talking to or going out with another man. She wouldn't have a problem with that if he would only tell her that he loved her – that they could finally love each other. If she could have him, she would have no need of another man for the rest of her life.

Before the situation could escalate any more, Raven returned to his side. He held her hand in a way he never had before, hard and possessive, pulling her behind him in a rush for the door. The brisk night air blew hard against her face, cooling the flush of heat on her cheeks. He tightened his arm around her waist, keeping her close to his side. On a normal night, she would've been happy to stay there. Raven pulled away, putting considerable distance between them. And why shouldn't she? He was her brother in his mind, her protector. She shouldn't have to worry that he would become jealous, preventing her from speaking with any man who wasn't him.

"That was really embarrassing…" She stated; her voice laced with all the bitterness swirling inside.

"You were making a spectacle of yourself…" Her head whipped towards him, "I'm sorry, but we don't yet know if alcohol will affect your control –"

She scoffed, "Oh spare me, Charles. I'm so sick of that excuse…" He stared straight ahead, deliberately focused on anything but her.

"You couldn't read his thoughts." She rolled her eyes at his defense.

"No, and you shouldn't have either. It's my life and I will make my own decisions." He didn't reply, making no attempt to mask his anger; a permanent scowl set on his face. "And besides, who cares what  _he_  was thinking!? Do you honestly think I would have gone anywhere with him? Do you think I am that naive?"

"I didn't like seeing you act like that, Raven. I expect more from you! From now on maybe you should just avoid alcohol…" She chuckled mirthlessly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I am a teenager, Charles. I'm supposed to rebel and drink and do what I want." He stopped walking, turning to face her.

"No, that's what other teenagers do because their parents give them free reign. We have to be careful; I do not want to see you hurt or exposed because you had too much to drink and lost control!"

"There's no chance of that ever happening with you hovering around me…" he shook his head, and without a word he continued on the way home.

She followed suit, trailing slightly behind him. She wanted him to argue; to hear him say that all his jealous outbursts were only because of his feelings for her. Then in a perfect moment she could tell him she feels the same, that he's all she's ever wanted. But the silence only extended between them until they finally made it home. Despite his obvious anger, Charles held the door open for her.

Raven stormed inside, heading straight to her room. She shifted to her normal self, removing the dress and scarf in a huff. Raven changed into her pajamas, too wound up to even think about sleeping. The perfect night had been ruined – she didn't even get to eat her cake. Perhaps it was the alcohol, but Raven wanted more than ever to tell Charles exactly how she felt about him and let the chips fall where they may.

She was tired of all the secrecy – her identity had to be kept secret, her mutation kept hidden beneath a mask of beauty, and now her emotions, too. It was all becoming too much. Anything – even his ultimate rejection of her – had to be better than the weight of keeping silent. As she turned on her heel to charge from her bedroom, her door opened slowly.

Charles stood before her, a sheepish, apologetic look in his eyes – holding up two plates of cake in his hands.

"I'm sorry…" he stated simply.

"You can't keep doing this, Charles." she said softly, remaining where she stood. Charles nodded, obviously ashamed of his actions as he averted his eyes to the ground.

"Sometimes I just get confused what my role is in your life, Raven. I'm your brother who's more like a father and you're my best and only friend…as you once so eloquently put it." He managed a weak smile, his eyes desperately searching hers.

"How about you drop the father/brother act and just be my best friend? Why do we have to keep lying?" At the genuinely confused look on his face, her heart sank in her chest, knowing what he was about to say.

"We're not lying; we  _were_  raised together. For all intents and purposes you are my sister. I don't know what I'd do without you." Raven sighed heavily, feeling the last of her hope escape her body. There seemed little point in telling him now.

"You'd probably be really bored and lonely." She said quietly, shaking her head as she walked towards him. She couldn't even look in his eyes as she took her cake from his hands, mumbling a bitter ' _thank you_ '. She sank to the edge of her bed, stabbing the cake in frustration…not even chocolate cake could comfort her now.

"Am I forgiven, then?" he asked, his voice trembling with uncertainty.

She looked up, doing her best to smile. "This time…but don't let it happen again."

Charles smiled, moving to sit by her side. "Happy birthday, my darling…" He kissed her temple, lingering for a long silent moment. She closed her eyes, and in that moment, she could feel her heart breaking.

"Thanks for tonight, Charles."


	3. Chapter 3

“Even if we save the world tomorrow and mutants are accepted, my feet and your natural blue form will never be deemed beautiful.” The hot sting of tears at his words betrayed her anger, shocked that Hank of all people could be so callous. He was the one who was supposed to be on her side – who was supposed to understand. How could she have been so foolish?

The crackling of burning wood in the fireplace filled the silence that extended between them. Defeated, and at a loss for words, her blue skin returned to its normal state – _human._ The word was like acid in her mind, corroding every last shred of caring what anyone else thought.

“You’re beautiful as you are now.” Hank said, almost crushing the syringe in his hand as he held it out to her. “We need this cure.” Her fingers curled around the cool metal, mesmerized that something so small would erase everything that made her who she was. Before Raven could give him a piece of her mind, Hank rose from his chair and left her alone.

She glared at the poison in her hand, her anger burning hotter than the flames before her. _He’s just like Charles_ , she realized…and maybe that was what drew her to Hank in the first place. Both of them were kind, sweet, smart, and compassionate men. They were both good – both safe. But they were alike in all the wrong ways too. They longed to be part of the world that rejected them; they both told her to hide herself when all she wanted to do was reveal herself to everyone.

It was just over a week ago that she allowed Hank to take her blood to create a serum that would alter their outward appearance, and for a time that’s what she wanted…or so she thought. It’s what Charles always wanted for her, that she be _normal_ and safe from harm. But she’s a mutant, and none of them will ever be truly safe.

It never ceased to amaze her how quickly things can change, for better and worse. When Moira Taggert first approached Charles, Raven assumed she’d be just another conquest. There had even been the beginnings of a bitter jealously when Charles didn’t bother to hide his enthusiasm for her. Little did Raven know the life-changing gift Moira brought with her. The CIA Initiative breathed new life into her – life she didn’t even know she’d been missing. Leaving England and returning to the States felt like being reborn with a brand new purpose.

After the initial fear wore off of what would happen when they revealed their mutations to the government, there was an incredible excitement watching Charles find new mutants, recruiting them to a team that would make a real difference in the world – in _their_ world. It brought her to Hank, someone who could finally understand what she felt, who knew the shame of a physical mutation and what it felt like to hide. She thought he was just shy, oblivious to obvious interest in him. Now she knows that he’s just not interested in her – at least not as _Mystique_. But that no longer mattered; being a part of this team was all she’s ever wanted.

Suddenly she was surrounded with others her own age, mutants she could laugh with and relate to. It was no longer just her and Charles against the world and she was surprisingly at peace with that. Raven wasn’t aware of just how lonely and isolated she’d been until she was freed from their burden. Everything was nearly perfect until they were attacked by Shaw, a mutant just like them. The horror of witnessing a member of their tight knit group murdered before her was still much to close. It was that night that Raven learned she’d never be truly safe – not from humans, not from the government, or even other mutants.

Charles had never hugged her tighter then when he found her in the ruins of the headquarters. He was prepared to scrap the entire initiative in favor of her safety, as always. But together, they all convinced him – the moral, compassionate Charles Xavier – to fight. And now they were home once more – together – the old mansion given a new purpose as well. It was here they would all find shelter and comradery, a safe place to learn and fight. It would’ve been perfect. But all good things must come to an end, and like the changing of the tide, her world was crashing down again. Tomorrow they were at war and the world will know that mutants exist.

Holding the cure in her hands gave her a shocking sense of clarity, suddenly no longer at war with herself for her identity. She was Mystique and damn anyone who couldn’t accept that – including Charles. Rising from her seat, Raven tossed the vial into the fire, relishing the resounding shatter and the sound of the poison sizzling as it boiled. With a satisfied sigh of relief, she tightened her robe around herself and curled up in her chair to watch it burn.

She loved Charles and a part of her heart would always belong to him – would always hope that one day she’ll be his. But for now, she would no longer hinge her life on what might never happen. She was on the verge of something, of discovering who she was and what she was capable of. She wanted something, and though she couldn’t quite name it, she knew she hadn’t found it yet. The life before her was full of possibilities, and after all this time, nothing would hold her back.

* * *

 

Charles studied the chess board, hardly able to focus enough to make his next move. _Peace was never an option_ …Erik had said. They were on the brink of nuclear war; it was up to them to stop it, and now Charles had the added burden of knowledge that Erik would kill Shaw if given the chance. Too much was riding on this, too many people would be watching for anything to go wrong. The fate and future of all mutants rested in everything going off without a hitch and Erik was integral to that plan.

“So, how long have Raven and Hank been dating?” Erik asked, shattering the oppressive silence.

“Erik, if you’re trying to distract me it won’t work…” he said, taking the black knight. “Hank isn’t even her type.” He added, leaning back in his chair as he sipped his drink.

Erik leaned forward with a crooked smile, not lifting his gaze as he said, “Oh? And what is her _type_?” The ice clinked as Charles swirled the contents of his glass, glaring at the man before him. He had never given it much thought, in fact the idea of those two had never even crossed his mind, but the thought of Raven and Hank together just made him cringe.

“I don’t know, just not Hank.” Charles huffed as Erik claimed his bishop.

“You should speak with her.” Erik studied the wooden pawn between his fingers, then crushing it in an iron grip he reclined, meeting Charles’ gaze straight on.  “The last thing anyone on this team needs is the distraction of a childish romance.” Charles shook his head, his gaze drifting down to the game at hand. The more he thought of it, the less he liked it. He had nothing against Hank; he was a good man with a promising future. It just made no sense. They were too odd a pairing – vastly different and try as he might, he just couldn’t picture them together.

“They’ve barely known each other a few weeks. What even makes you think they’re dating?”

“Haven’t you seen them since we’ve been here? Raven hasn’t exactly been hiding how she feels. While we were still at the CIA compound I found them having an impromptu indoor picnic, _hidden_ from sight. They were practically kissing as he was taking her blood.” Charles took a swig of his drink, wishing he could erase the image that just flashed in his mind.

“Well, I know Hank is trying to make a serum that will change the outward appearance of their mutations, but –”

“And you’re allowing him?!” Erik’s anger shocked him, his eyes wide and disbelieving as Charles held his gaze.

“Yes, of course, why wouldn’t I?”

“Charles, the outward appearance is as much a part their mutation as their gifts, especially Raven’s. She can change her appearance at will, why would she need a serum?” Charles couldn’t give an adequate answer; he only knew that when Hank mentioned it to him, it made perfect sense.

“Hank has assured me that altering their appearance won’t affect their powers.” Erik was silent as he glared in amused disbelief.

“And you trust him?” Charles could only nod. Erik leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Be careful, my friend. You’re walking a dangerous line.”

“You’re one to talk.” He countered, knowing that Erik was walking the tightest rope of them all.

“No matter how much you may want to, you can’t unmake who or what she is.”

“I’m not –”

“Checkmate,” said Erik, cutting him off. Charles looked down, his king surrounded by a queen, a rook, a knight and a pawn.

“You cheated.” Charles mumbled, half in jest.

“Never.” Erik managed a wry smile. “It’s been a tiring day, I’m heading to bed. Better luck next time, Charles.”

Charles was speechless, downing the rest of the bitter liquid in his glass. He wasn’t trying to unmake who Raven was; all he wanted was her safety. Only a week ago he almost lost her – almost lost all of them – in an attack from Shaw. The _one_ time he was away from her she might have died, and he wasn’t there to protect her. _If anything had happened to her_ … but Charles quickly shook that thought from his mind. He rose from his chair with a heavy sigh and walked slowly, taking his time to reach Raven’s room.

 _Hank and Raven_ … Some part of him desperately hoped it wasn’t true – he needed it to not be true. He would never begrudge Raven’s happiness, but of all the times she could’ve started dating, why would she choose now? Why would she choose a mutual friend – one Charles rather liked and hoped never to lose? As he reached her door, he promised himself he would keep his cool, to speak with Raven civilly and respectfully as they had discussed. He couldn’t handle another thing going wrong; not tonight.

“Raven?” he called, knocking gently on her door. She cleared her throat.

“Come in…” she said hoarsely. Charles opened the door, peeking in to see her in her bath robe, curled up in a chair before the fire. She had obviously been crying, wiping the tears away as she stood up.

“Hey Charles…” She greeted, smiling weakly.

“Hello, darling…” He approached her slowly, her wide, tearful eyes staring at him as he stood before her. “Is everything alright?” Charles smoothed a strand of hair from her face, his thumb brushing the tears from her cheek.

“Never better.” He didn’t need to be a mind reader to know she was lying. Instinctively, he pulled her into a hug, affectionately kissing her temple. Her body stiffened, scarcely letting him hold her for more than a second before her hands were on his chest, pushing him back.

“What’s up?” she asked glibly, sitting back in her chair.

Charles stood in stunned silence; a slap to the face may actually have hurt less. Never before has Raven so blatantly pushed him away. But then, she’s been different since they arrived here – angrier and more volatile – ever since the attack from Shaw. It was as if the girl he grew up with had been replaced with a cold and distant stranger. If only he could understand what he’d done wrong, perhaps he could make it right.

“Nothing really…” He replied, moving mechanically to the chair beside her, “With all this CIA business we haven’t been able to spend much time together. I miss you.” A small smile graced her lips, a look of pure affection filling her eyes.

“I’ve missed you too…”

“Is that why you’re crying?” he asked, a playful edge to his voice in hopes to cheer her up. Her smile instantly faded.

“Hank was here earlier and dropped off the cure…” she said, her voice laced with bitterness. Somehow, he already knew the answer to his next question.

“Did you use it already?”

“No,” he followed her gaze to the fire place, confused to see shards of glass blackened by the dwindling flames.

“Why not?”

She shrugged her shoulder, her gaze far off, “I guess I’m just looking for something and I don’t think I’ve found it yet.”

“What are you looking for?” Raven was a quiet a moment, contemplating her answer.

“Acceptance, the freedom to be who I am…”

“But you have that here with us – you’ve always had that with me.” He stated, confused by her words. Finally, she lifted her eyes to meet his.

“Charles, I love you, but you never really understood. Your power is invisible; you’ve never had to hide.”

“I’ve always accepted you Raven.” He told her. Raven looked as though she wanted to laugh, shaking her head as she turned her gaze to the fire. Charles never had cause to doubt those words until now, struck by the look on her face. He _had_ accepted her, from the moment he caught her stealing food in his kitchen right up until this moment. Did she not know that? She believed it once – had something made her doubt him? He wanted to ask, but he couldn’t. Not if it meant hearing her say that he’d failed her.

“Is it strange being back?” he asked instead, changing the topic.

“At first it was, but now with everyone here, it just seems like this is how it was always meant to be.”

“Yes, indeed. I must admit, you’ve surprised me of late. I had no idea you were so…passionate for the cause.”

“Well, why wouldn’t I be? I am a mutant.”

“I know, I guess I just never really realized...” his voice died on his lips as all their time together these past few years flashed in his mind. “Did I make a mistake in bringing you to England with me?” her head snapped in his direction, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Why would you think that?”

“It’s just that since we’ve been home you’ve come to life. Compared to England, I might think you were entirely miserable.” Her gaze didn’t tell him that he was wrong.

“Charles, England was your experience, we were there for you. I worked and kept myself busy; I may not have had the time of my life, but I was happy. Like I said, I wouldn’t have wanted to be here without you.”

“Good.” He cleared his throat nervously, “Raven, uh, Erik brought something to attention earlier regarding you and Hank.” She rolled her eyes, uncurling herself and dropping her feet to the floor.

“Oh, here we go…”

“I don’t want to fight,” Charles interjected quickly, “And I won’t tell you to break up.”

“Well, we couldn’t anyway. We’re not even officially dating.” He kept his face impassive, hoping she couldn’t see how relieved he was at her words.

“Then what is going on?”

“Nothing. I’d like to date him, but he’s resistant – or oblivious – to the idea.”

“Then he’s a fool. Shall I break his legs for you?”

“Charles!” A broad smile spreading from ear to ear broke her surprised expression as she gaped at him.

“What? My little sister’s happiness is worth a few broken bones…”

“You’re crazy…” she laughed, shaking her head. He missed seeing such a smile on her face, hearing her deep belly laugh followed by a series of giggles. He laughed with her, relishing these few moments of peace in the calm before the storm. It was anyone’s guess where they would be tomorrow.

“It’s good to hear your laugh again. It’s been too long.” Raven held his gaze with a sympathetic glare.

“I laughed…” she informed him.

“Not much…” _Not enough…_ he looked away to the fire and rose from his chair. “Well, as leader of this group, I can’t condone the inter-team dating. As your big brother, I hope he doesn’t make you wait too long.” He made to bend down and kiss her forehead, but stopped himself given her earlier rebuff. Instead he smiled with a slight nod and started awkwardly for the door.

“I’ve waited longer for some things...” came her voice behind him, a truly acid edge to her voice that made him stop. The depth and implication of her words made him curious, as though she had experienced some great loss that he knew nothing about.

“Like what?” he asked, turning once more to face her.

“Do you really not know, Charles?” his heart sank at her bitter aggravation.

“No, Raven, I really have no idea what you’re referring to.” He couldn’t tell if she was sad or angry, or both, but all he wanted was to hug her…and to read her mind.

“Just forget it.” She turned her back to him and it was enough to make him snap. He rushed toward her, not allowing her to ignore him.  

“No, Raven. You used to talk to me. There was nothing you couldn’t tell me, and now –”

“I can’t talk to you about this, Charles, not when you’re so blind to it!”

“Well then enlighten me, Raven!” he chided himself for raising his voice, hoping the others couldn’t hear them. He pursed his lips, inhaling deeply as met her eyes once more. “I can’t take this silence – this tension – between us. Please just tell me what I’ve done wrong so I can fix it.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, and you can’t fix it. I just…” her voice trailed off, her eyes searching, looking as lost as he felt. Panic tightened its grip around his heart with each moment of her silence. What could it possibly be that she can’t tell him, that she can’t even find the words for it?

Never before had he so regretted promising her that he would never read her mind. Then again, he never really needed to. There was a time when Raven would tell him everything, and eventually, he could just look in her eyes and know exactly what she was feeling or thinking. Now she was a mystery, one he couldn’t seem to solve. Through the last few years her strong will and defiance only grew stronger, something he initially attributed to growing up; it was as though an unseen force had come in and built a wall between them, cutting him off from the person he cared most for in this world.

He promised to take care of her every need, to keep her safe from all that would harm her. Though, in that, he did fail her. He should’ve been there with her. Did she blame him for Darwin’s death and for Angel’s decision? Had something else happened? Was she hiding something from him?  At the terrified and uncertain look on her face, he feared the worst.

“Raven, just tell me whatever it is, please.” He pleaded, frightened for her answer.

“I don’t even know where to begin.” she breathed, her voice trembling on the verge of tears.

“Whatever it is, just say it.”

“I love you.” She blurted out instantly. He couldn’t help but smile at the sentiment, even if it didn’t answer his question. It was just nice to hear it affirmed.

“I love you, too.” She rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh.

“No, Charles, I love you – I love you like I want to be with you, like I want you to stop saying we’re siblings. I want to kiss you and everything that goes with it, I –”

“What?” he breathed. She stopped, a wave of stark fear washing over her features.

“You told me to just say it.” She began, panic edging her rising voice.

“Yes, but…but I didn’t think…” His head swam as he stared at her, her eyes watering and her heart wide open. Of all the horrible things that flashed in his mind, hearing Raven make such a confession wasn’t even on the list. He was her brother, her protector; it was the core truth of their relationship from the beginning. She never seemed to resent their arrangement before – certainly never seemed to be _in love_ with him. What had changed? _When_ had it changed?

He scoured his memories in the whirlwind of his mind, trying to pinpoint where he went wrong – how on earth this could have happened. And how on earth he could have been so completely unaware. _No_ , she couldn’t be in love with him – this wasn’t happening. She wanted Hank and he wasn’t what she thought and this was just her grief talking. She was just confused – he saved her as a child and practically raised her – she’s just confusing her gratitude with real love.

“I think you’re just confused, Raven.” He said at last. The corners of her mouth were pulled into a bitter imitation of a smile, shaking her head as she laughed mirthlessly.

“I knew you’d say something like that.” She swallowed hard, but it wasn’t enough to clear the tears in her eyes or wipe the pain from her face. “Just forget I said anything…” she mumbled, pulling her robe closed tighter as if it could make her disappear.

“No, you can’t just say something like that and expect me to leave it alone.” He rubbed his eyes, bringing his fingers to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Do you feel that way for me?” she asked, her voice barely audible.

“Raven…”

“It’s a simple question, Charles.”

“You’re my sister,” was his simple answer.

“No I’m not, we’re not related by blood, nor was I ever formally adopted by your parents. You made everyone believe that that was what happened; I was never your sister.” He stared at her for a long, silent moment. She’d given this thought, enough thought to justify her feelings.

“How long have you felt this way?”

“A while, I didn’t really admit to myself until we were in England.” She admitted, sitting on the edge of her bed.

It suddenly all made perfect sense, and equally, nothing made sense at all. Her sudden withdrawal and subsequent silence, her refusal to go on any real dates since her eighteenth birthday. Her ever more frequent mood swings, happy in his presence one moment and miserable the next. It was all the frustration and bitterness of being so close to something you want, and yet so very far – for years.

“Say something, Charles.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, was there ever a time you felt that way for me, even if you forced the thought out of your mind before you could dwell on it?”

His heart raced, closing his eyes against the hurt, fear, and hope that flashed in her eyes, striking him like an arrow straight to his heart. The answer to all his confusion had been in front of him the entire time and he was wholly – willfully – blind to it. The jealousy he felt towards any man who so much as looked at her was easily written off as concern for her safety, using the mask of the protective older brother. How bitter and rebellious she became whenever he would flirt with another woman in her presence and a thousand more not-so-subtle hints that she wanted something more.

It was all locked away in a corner of his mind where even he dared not venture into. It was the one thing he had always been looking for, something he could never really have, something he would never admit to…and it was the one thing he never found in all his dalliances with countless women. Every woman he ever used that same routine on were all a near physical copy of Raven – with the exception of Moira and it was her who approached him. They were all the same height, similar build, a round, innocent face framed by long blonde hair. But for all their similarities, they weren’t and could never be his Raven.

“You did, didn’t you?” came her excited voice, pulling him from his thoughts.

“It’s not so simple,”

“Of course it is; you feel the same way.” Raven laughed and practically launched herself into his arms. For the first time, Charles couldn’t hold her. He tried to pry her off, to gently push her away so he could talk some sense into her. He had never denied Raven anything she ever asked of him.

“We can’t do this,” he choked out, his heart hammering in his chest.

“Yes, we can.” Her arms tightened around his neck and shoulders, “You can tell everyone that we were never related, or do what you did with your parents and just make them believe this is the way it always was.”

“No, stop it, Raven!” The force of his own voice sounded unfamiliar even to him and she finally let him go. She blinked in surprise, backing further away as if he’d struck her. He could never have her the way he longed to, as more than a friend and definitely not his sister.

“So, you lied to and manipulated everyone to make me your sister – and you’ll admit that you have feelings for me – but you won’t do the same to allow us to be in a relationship?”

“I haven’t admitted anything. Have you lost your mind?”

“Why can’t you just let us be together?” she demanded, but her anger was gone, replaced by sadness.

“Because you’re my sister, Raven! I swore I’d protect you – even from…” his voice died on his lips, and he chided himself for yelling at her. “Even if it meant protecting you from me…” he stated quietly, his voice almost defeated. He raked his hands through his hair, unable to look at her.

“I don’t need protection from you.” She said, her voice cracking, “In all my life I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you.” At the pleading hope in her eyes he almost gave in. With a deep breath, he steeled his nerves and cleared his throat.

“We have a very busy day tomorrow, Raven. I suggest you get some rest.” Without so much as a glance, he retreated from her room before he could change his mind. He practically ran to the bathroom, drenching his face with ice cold water. His heart already felt torn in two; nothing had ever hurt so much. He promised that he’d never read her mind, but that didn’t stop him from hearing her agonizing screams and cries. No one else heard them, he knew, for Raven was completely silent. It was all in her mind, echoing in his.

 _She doesn’t truly love me; this won’t break her heart_ , he thought, trying to make himself believe it. As much as he denied the existence of his own feelings, he never expected to hear such a confession from her. _It was too good to be true_ , and that thought alone was enough to make him feel like a predator. It occurred to him that he had the power to remove the memory of this night from both their minds – to end their pain right here. The temptation was overwhelming.

He couldn’t think about this now. He couldn’t split his focus between Shaw, Erik, and Raven. Tomorrow they’d be at war and he couldn’t afford the distraction – none of them could. _When it’s all over_ , he vowed. Once this had all passed and the world returned to normal, they would sit down and talk about this like rational adults. Then, maybe then, he could tell her that he loved her.

 

           

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First off, I am so sorry for the delay, but Merry Belated Christmas! I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! We're in the homestretch, just 2 chapters left! School is out for the month and I really hope to have this story complete before Jan. 21 (fingers crossed) Feel free to review, I really hope you enjoyed it despite the angst! Thank you to everyone who reviewed this story, you have no idea how much your feedback is valued and appreciated! Have a wonderful weekend! :DDD


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I am so shamefully sorry this has taken so long. This semester really did a number on me mentally and it has taken some time to regain my inspiration. I also started a new full time job that has crazy hours and I think I'm finally adjusted. But still, I am sorry this has taken so long. This chapter is a litt;e different since its setting up ch. 5. I hope you enjoy it! :))

As he lay on the beach, he read her mind, breaking the one promise he'd managed to keep. He saw the few times they were together and his heart broke at how easily she fell under Erik's spell. He told her she was beautiful, he told her not to hide – to be proud of who and what she was. Was that all it would have taken to keep Raven at his side? Did so few words in the course of a few weeks really have the power to undo all the love and support he'd given her in the past decade?

How many times had she come to him self-conscious, questioning her beauty? How many times had he dismissed her? How many times did he tell her to hide as if she had something to be ashamed of? Surely she would know how flawless she was – how gorgeous. He must've told her at least once that she was a unique and exquisite creation, precious and priceless in his eyes. Hadn't he? But for all his searching, he couldn't find a single instance.

It was a cruel realization that he had in fact belittled her, invalidated her emotions and ignored her fears, rolling his eyes as he told her she was being ridiculous. For so long he'd been so focused on keeping her physically safe, fearing that he had sheltered her too much. It never occurred to him that she was emotionally vulnerable. He practically pushed her into Erik's arms, leaving her wide open to his manipulations. It was all his fault. He kept her under his thumb as though she couldn't make her own decisions when she was stronger than she could possibly know. But he did know. He always knew.

Was this why Erik told him of Hank and Raven? So that he could move in when she was upset and vulnerable? It was all too convoluted – first it was Hank, then him, and now Erik. Raven couldn't love all of them. In some twisted way it pleased him to know that she hadn't been lying when she told him she loved him, which is why this hurt so much more. She was just using Erik to get what she needed – what she thinks she wants. Erik was far too old for her, and Charles had every intention of putting an end to it as soon as this was all over.

Then the bullet pierced his skin, lodging deep in his vertebrae. His screams were foreign to his own ears, having never experienced anything so excruciating. It all happened too quickly – hitting the ground, sand grating against his face, Erik falling behind him and removing the bullet. And the pain stopped, as did all the sensation in his legs. His eyes were finally opened to how truly far gone Erik was, how foolish he was to believe that Erik could or would ever let go of what Shaw did to him.

Yet when Raven knelt beside him and took his hand, he didn't tell her to stay away from Erik. He didn't tell her to stay because now he needed her more than ever and it she owed him. Raven owed him nothing. He was terrified, he can't ever remember a time he was more frightened than at the prospect of losing Raven, knowing he was paralyzed. It wouldn't be right to lay the burden of his care on her shoulders, not now when she finally discovering who she was always meant to be.

"Go, it's what you want." Were the words he said instead.

"You promised you would never read my mind."

"I promised you a great many things I'm afraid." He kissed her gloved hand, the only kiss he would allow himself. She leaned forward, kissing his forehead just as he had done to her more times than he could count. He stifled his tears, not wanting her to see him so weak; broken. Then they were gone – they were all gone. And despite that he was surrounded by his friends, he'd never felt more alone.

Moira was a liability as long as she worked for the CIA. She was better off without him anyway. He didn't want anyone except Raven, and he needed to be single when she returned. All he could do was hope. Hope that Raven remembered the way home. Hope that she didn't doubt he was waiting for her, ready to forgive her and beg her forgiveness. But the days after Cuba turned to weeks, the weeks blended into months. Then the war came just a year after she left and all his students were gone.

There was no word of her whereabouts, no phone calls to let him know she was happy. No postcards to let him know she lived. It was as if she fell off the face of the earth, as though she never existed as the joy of his life. The gaping hole in his life and his heart may be the only proof that Raven ever existed. He couldn't even blame her, she'd been nothing but open and honest, and he dismissed her. There was no one else to blame.

His hope was renewed full force when Erik was arrested in the aftermath of the JFK assassination. Without Erik's hold over her, without his poisonous influence, Raven would be free to come home. It would finally be his chance to tell her he loved her. He didn't even care that she had ignored him for so long; he'd overlook all of it if it meant seeing her again. Another year passed and then another.

For those few years as Raven matured, he always told himself her defiance was a phase, that she would go back to the sweet, innocent Raven he loved. Five months was a phase, five years is a statement. A blatant and unapologetic slap in the face. Hope began to fade into a seething bitterness, nurtured by alcohol and Hank's serum. He didn't even have the voices of others to crowd his mind and drowned out the thoughts of " _She's gone. She's never coming back_."

They don't talk about her anymore. What more was there to say? They were both fools. They both let her out of their lives without a fight. He had given up – given up on ever seeing her again, given up the school, he'd given up on his life. Charles could no longer bring himself to care. The alcohol couldn't numb him enough to escape the constant pain of her absence. He stopped speaking her name as if that would erase her for good. Only Hank remained with him, standing by faithfully, aiding him in slowly destroying himself.

When Logan – that mutant from the future – had shown up, Charles ignored the way his heart leapt at the mention of her name. He acted as though he didn't care that she was alive, that she was the cause of their annihilation, that she needed help. And as he pushed the serum into his veins, he almost had himself convinced that he didn't care. But denying his feelings is how he lost her in the first place, and perhaps this was his one chance to get her back. Yet when they finally found her, he ran to her side. She could barely speak, but she smiled to see him, his name on her lips was the first time he felt truly alive in a decade.

His heart swelled and he promised that he would never again be so foolish, that she would be safe with him once more. And for one precious moment, he had everything – Erik working by his side, Raven's hand was in his and he thought they could go back. Then Raven's ominous voice shattered his reverie, and he turned to see Erik with a gun. He had no power to protect her, all his promises broken in the blink of an eye. Then the gun went off and he screamed as she went crashing out a window and out of his life once more. Again, he failed her. Again, he was unaware of her whereabouts and whether she was dead or alive.

He was ready to give up, it was all too much. It was just too hard. Then on his trip to the future in the mind of Logan, he glimpsed what was in store for him. But Raven wasn't there. He wanted no part of a future that didn't have Raven in it. Everything hinged on finding her and stopping her. And to do that, he needed his powers.

It wasn't until he appeared to her in the airport that he understood why she left, why she couldn't come home. All she ever wanted was acceptance and freedom. He had only accepted her with conditions – as long as she behaved in the way he saw fit. And freedom, well, she was never too far from his side. He suffocated her with rules and his own fears. He loved and accepted Raven, but Erik accepted and loved Mystique.

With his eyes finally open and his mind clear of alcohol and drugs, now he is certain that he could give her everything she wanted – his unconditional acceptance, his unending love, and her freedom to make her own choices.

"Professor, the students are waiting…" came Hank's voice.

"Tell them I'll be along in just a moment…" Hank smiled with a nod and left.

Charles watched out the window of his study for a moment longer, keeping an eye on the long, winding driveway for her return. Months had passed since she saved the life of a president, since he watched her walk out of his life again. But for the first time in a decade he had hope again, hope that any day now, she would find her way home.

* * *

 

Raven had forgotten many things, mostly the things that were too painful to call to mind. Charles Xavier was not one of those things, if anything, her thoughts focused on him in a way that she was sure wasn't healthy. Her heart was torn, caught between two lives, two loves, two versions of herself that were at opposite ends of the spectrum. But they weren't really – she was Raven and Mystique, she loved Charles and Erik, or at least she thought she did. He was, after all, prepared to sacrifice her in order to ensure mutants survival.

It was then that Raven knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that Erik loved  _the cause_  more than he ever claimed to love her. His blood thirst for vengeance had gotten him – gotten them all – in trouble more than once. Charles came to help her, Erik came to kill her. For months she has battled her inner demons, the voices in her head that tell her she wouldn't be welcomed home. But if nothing else, Charles' presence in Paris proved her wrong.

Leaving Charles on the sand in Cuba, taking hold of Erik's hand as she let go of his, was a decision that she equally stood by and regretted almost every day since it happened. She had been so angry at him. For a time, perhaps, she even hated him. But though he was badly wounded and bleeding – still his first thoughts were of her happiness. She suppressed that thought as often as it came up, drowning it out with thoughts of how he dismissed her, how he tried to control her, and how miserable she'd been with him. In the end, she only fooled herself.

It was her only request of Magneto before they went to rescue Diamond – she wanted to be sure he was ok. Moira was with him that day, and she decided against going to talk to him. The knowledge was enough, and with barely a second thought, she began the next phase of her life. It wasn't what she expected, but she had a purpose and she had Erik.

When magneto was charged with Kennedy's assassination she knew it was a lie. But she didn't risk rescuing him, surprisingly enough, she barely even missed his cold distance and constant monologue-ing. She considered going home, even if only for a visit – she missed Charles. But that nagging voice needled her –  _you won't be welcome after abandoning him in his hour of need._

It was then Raven began rebuilding herself. Apart from Charles and now apart from Erik, there was no one to dictate her choices. She chose to emulate the best of both men – building on the character that each of them instilled and brought to life within her. Erik always wanted her to choose between being  _Charles' Raven_  and Mystique, but for once, Raven wanted simply to be both. They were one in the same, after all.

Charles didn't create Raven, her identity didn't belong to him in any way. If she knew anything of family, love, happiness – she learned it first from Charles. She wouldn't – no matter how much Erik prodded her – she wouldn't let that part of herself go. But she didn't share Charles' vision of her life; she didn't have his empathy or compassion, though she admired those traits in him. Erik, likewise, didn't create Mystique, he simply gave her the freedom to be who she was. It was her chance to finally stand on her own two feet.

For years she saved the lives of mutants, carrying on both Erik's and Charles' mission in her own way. She made her fair share of mistakes; she had two sons by two different men, neither of them the men she loved. How would she explain that to Charles – to explain that she abandoned them just as her parents had done to her? He'd never look at her the same again. She continued on her journey, never compromising her morals. Until Trask, that is. Raven had expected things to go wrong – she expected surprises – she absolutely did not expect to see Charles, and Erik with him.

When she heard Charles' voice in that conference room and saw him walk through that door, her world stopped on a dime. She barely had time to register it was him when she found herself in an excruciating amount of pain. And Charles, as always – as though nothing had changed – was by her side in an instant. Through all the distance that kept them apart, the anger and pain and broken hearts, her feelings for him came rushing to the surface with frightening intensity, all wrapped up in one single word, " _Charles_?"

Relief washed over her as he smiled, holding her as her body wracked with the aftershocks of electrocution. She barely felt it, all she could look at was him, and how much he had changed. It wasn't just the fact that he was walking or his disheveled appearance with that long, unkempt hair and beard. It was the haunted, weary look in his eyes. It was the look of a man who had seen too much, who had been broken, and it looked entirely wrong in his bright blue eyes. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to hug him – comfort him – as he had so often done for her.

Charles always seemed so strong – almost invincible with his calm demeanor and effortless confidence. Even on the beach in the Cuba, injured though he was, he appeared so certain that she should go that she believed he'd be alright. He did have Moira to take care of him, after all, or so she thought. Looking at him now, perhaps she had been wrong…about everything. But their reunion was to be short lived as Erik aimed a gun at her; and Charles, for some unknown reason to her, was unable to use his powers.

She didn't have time to be worried, or to ask what had happened in their years apart, she could only run. If she survived that day, and followed through with her with her plan to kill Trask, there would be another day when Raven could ask him. At the airport, she finally learned why Erik was so eager to murder her, and it only strengthened her resolve to kill Trask. Nothing made sense, and she didn't know where to go. But home seemed the last viable place she could go – despite Charles' promise to keep her safe.

She'd made so many mistakes – they both did – it just seemed impossible to ever be in Charles' good graces again. They could never truly go back, and even if they could, Raven's not sure she'd want to. She'd learned so much about herself, she became a woman she never thought she'd be. She was proud of who she was and what she accomplished, even if no one else was.

It had been months since the near assassination of a president and Trask on public television. The last time she saw Charles, hearing the words, "I have faith in you Raven," despite all that she had done and was planning to do, made her ache with an overwhelming desire to go home. It had never been so strong before; not when she gave both her sons up for adoption, not even when Erik was arrested and taken away for the assassination of JFK.

She has a family, ' _and he's waiting for you_ ', came that inner voice in her mind. What would happen between them, whether they would be siblings, lovers, or friends – she could only guess. But that was the last thing on her mind – she just wanted to be with him again. There were things Raven had forgotten, but Charles wasn't one of those things, nor had she forgotten the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was worth the wait. Feel free to review...only one chapter left and its already started. Thanks to everyone who has commented/bookmarked/left kudos this story. You guys are the best and you have no idea how much I appreciate your kind words and feelings about the story! They do actually feed my inspiration :) I will work on the last chapter over the next few days since I have off, but it definitely won't be another six months before it's updated. I'm also taking off school for the rest of the year until I have my anxiety and ADHD properly medicated, so that won't be an issue. So, anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: At long last the conclusion of our little tale (I'm just sorry it took so long.) Thank you again to all of you who have followed this story and left your reviews. I hope to write many more Charles/Raven fics in the future! :)) I hope you'll enjoy it!

Charles stared in silent wonder. The slumped form of a teenage boy sat on the edge of Raven's childhood bed, his shoulders trembling slightly. It was a disguise. Hearing her thoughts rising above the endless cries and thoughts of those around him was like music to his ears. But her thoughts were panicked; she was frightened to set foot in her own home and it made his heart ache. There was so much he had planned to say, so much he wanted to tell her. But for all his planning, he couldn't remember any of it.

"Raven…?" his voice was hoarse, unfamiliar as he barely whispered her name. The young boy glanced over his shoulder, eyes brimming with unshed tears, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"How'd you know it was me?" she asked as the disguise fell away; her voice low and tight with emotion. A trembling sigh of relief escaped him as he closed the door, wheeling himself to sit before Mystique.

For a moment, all he could do was stare. She was more beautiful than he remembered, despite how weary she looked. Her body language was as tense and anxious as her thoughts had been. He wanted to reach out, hold her hand or hug her – just get her in his arms and never let go. But he kept his distance and his hands to himself. He'd been hoping she would return, but a small part of him had already begun preparing for the likelihood that it wouldn't happen. And now here she was…

"Your thoughts are quite loud. It's been far too long since I heard your voice in these halls." He never thought he'd be so happy to see her roll her eyes at him again.

"Reading my mind?"

"No! No, you were broadcasting…" he was quick to explain, afraid she'd dart from the mansion at the slightest provocation. But the tense line of her shoulders relaxed slightly and she met his gaze with a shy smile.

"I guess I was kinda nervous."

"You need never be nervous here, darling." A long uncomfortable silence fell over them. The last time they were here, in this room, he'd broken her heart. When she was home that one night after the shooting in Paris, she stayed in a spare bedroom, not wanting to even be in this place. There was too much – too much had happened and neither of them knew where to begin.

"Would it be too presumptuous of me to say welcome home?" There was tension in the air even as she laughed, but it wasn't overwhelming. She didn't seem angry at him as he'd expected she would be, the way she was the last time she was here.

"I, uh…I never thought I'd come back here – literally never. There were times I wanted to; I just  _never_  thought I'd set foot in this room again." She sighed heavily, looking around the room that hadn't been changed one bit – that Charles made sure was always ready for her return. "You really never gave up hope that I would come back, did you?"

He held her gaze, "I lost hope, Raven; I lost…who I was – I gave up on everything. You wouldn't have recognized me even if you had come back." His voice was quiet, full of the shame and defeat he'd felt for those long torturous years.

"I almost didn't recognize you in Paris. Why couldn't you use your powers?" she asked, concern evident in her soft voice. He cleared his throat, shifting anxiously in his chair.

"Hank created a serum that allowed me to walk, but it also suppressed my powers completely." He explained quickly.

"Was the trade-off worth it?" he shook his head, still not able to look her in the eyes.

"Not in hindsight, no. I needed it at the time to survive, to deal with or rather, to avoid the pain. I couldn't even help myself I had no business trying to help others."

"What about Moira? I thought she stayed." At that he lifted his head, studying her guarded features.

"I sent Moira away the day I got home. She knew where the mansion was and I couldn't risk her giving that away."

"Sorry."

"You've nothing to apologize for." He told her, still reeling that she was home – that they were here together in her room and she wasn't spewing hatred at him. She didn't judge him for the poor choices he'd made. She was guarded, and he knows why, but she was here with him and nothing else mattered. "I made you so many promises, and I failed you in so many ways."

"Is that why you came to Paris, to keep a promise?"

"It's one of the reasons; I just wanted to help you and, if possible, change the future. But you were my priority." A ghost of a smile formed on her lips and was gone just as quickly. Her expression turned serious, almost frightened.

"What that man Logan said to me – about how many mutants and humans I killed in the future – was it true?"

"I don't know. I got a glimpse of the future – mine; mutants as a whole. But you weren't there. Erik was, but not you. It was awful. He told me that in the future there is a cure – a young mutant boy. In defending Erik you get shot with it and turn human…and Erik abandoned you."

"Sounds like something he'd do." She scoffed, shaking her head as her gaze drifted to the ground. "He's already done it."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped." He said. She shrugged dismissively, but the hurt still reflected in her eyes.

"I loved him and I thought he was in love with me. But he was ready to sacrifice me in the blink of an eye to further his cause. I mean, I understand why he did it, but…" she let her voice trail off. "That's why you let me go, isn't it? I needed to see for myself what he was."

Charles shook his head. "Erik was my friend and my brother; I wanted to be wrong about him. I let you go because I knew it's what you wanted. There was nothing else I could have taught you. But I wasn't bitter; I never wanted you to be in pain. I've only ever wanted to see you happy."

"I know. Sometimes I know that if I stayed I would've ended up resenting you as the reason I wasn't with Erik. But then others…I wish I could go back and stay on that beach with you. You took care of me –"

"Raven, you didn't and you don't owe me anything. Yes, I wanted you to come home, but I wanted it to be because you wanted to be here. Just because I took you in doesn't mean you owed it to me to stay. I did what I did without thought of reward; I never expected you to repay me in any way. I couldn't be the one to hold you back."

Another silence fell over them and Raven relaxed a little more. She sat more fully on her mattress, staring at a photograph of them on her mantel, one from his graduation in England. It seemed a lifetime ago now.

"So, what happened to all your long hair? I was really looking forward to giving you a hard time about it." Charles laughed at her sudden admission.

"Ah, yes. The long hair isn't a problem now, as you can see." He chuckled slightly, still ashamed of the man he had become – how far he let himself fall. That Raven had seen him so broken still made him cringe. "I look like an old man."

"Charles, I'm pretty sure you were born an old man and I still love you. Besides, there's something kinda sexy about a bald head." He laughed deeply, and then stopped, realizing how long it had been since he really laughed. Things had become so serious he'd almost forgotten how relentlessly they teased one another. It felt good to laugh with her again. It put his heart at ease. He lifted his eyes to meet hers, seeing the shock fill her eyes at her own words.

* * *

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Falling into their old banter and teasing was far too easy. Raven felt suddenly exposed and vulnerable, her trembling hands gripped the edge of her mattress tighter. She hated him; she  _wanted_  so badly to hold on to her anger. But there was no use denying she still loved him. She hadn't been sure what she'd find when she got here; the empty school – a broken man?

When she saw him back in his wheelchair, her heart broke a little, but that haunted, broken expression was gone from his eyes. His bald head was a shock, especially when his hair had been so long when last she saw him. The school was once again full of students and before her was the Charles she used to know – an idealistic, confident mutant who was going to change the world. And he would do it from that chair, no less powerful because of his disability. When she met his gaze again the loving, nostalgic look in his eyes nearly broke her heart.

"You know, just before you found me with cerebro, I saw Erik at the airport. He told me what was going on with Trask. Then he asked me,  _'are you Charles' Raven, or are you Mystique?'_ " she paused for the length of a breath, "And I couldn't help but think; why can't I be both? Why do I have to be one or the other? Everything I am; anything I know of family – of love – I learned from you." She swallowed the lump in her throat and suppressed the tears flooding her eyes.

"I can't say for sure where I'd be if you hadn't found me that night, but I know that it's nowhere good." She admitted softly.

"I would do it all again in a heartbeat…" he said, his voice strong with conviction. "Would you change anything in your life?"

"Nothing." She replied instantly, "I love who I am. I worked hard and I'm proud of who I've become."

"So am I." Charles whispered. Raven still couldn't believe he was proud of her, that he had faith in her after all she had done. Without Charles influence, without his love and guidance in those years of her life, she knows exactly how violent and formidable she would be. They would have certainly been enemies in this war between mutants and humans, and she is again grateful to have a place in his life and in his heart.

"What would you change if you could?" she asked. He looked to the ground, silent for a long moment as he considered the question.

"I would've been more understanding about your mutation." He said quietly, then he lifted his gaze to hers with a sad smile. "I would've fought harder for you."

They were the words Raven had been hoping to hear – had been waiting to hear. She loved him, she loves him still; there is no disputing that fact. It was obvious he loved her and was welcoming her home with no questions asked. It's everything she could hope for, but she couldn't believe it would be this easy. With all that was left unsaid and unfinished between them, everything they've been through these past years – could they really just start again?

"I'm changing my answer – I would never have let you convince people we were siblings." She said. There was supposed to be a teasing edge to her voice, but it was missing; her words entirely serious. She decided not to correct herself, since she wasn't, in fact, joking.

"Why not?"

"You know why."

He nodded, avoiding her gaze once more. "I was such a fool. I had been lying to you, and to myself, for years." He laughed mirthlessly, shaking his head as he continued.

"I wasn't supposed to feel this way for you, Raven; I didn't know how to deal with it. So I buried it and never let myself believe it. By the time I could admit it you were gone; it was too late. I'm so sorry Raven, for the way I hurt you, for all the times I was blind and willfully ignorant of your pain. Can you ever forgive me?" he was trembling with emotion as he pleaded, finally lifting his misty, bright blue eyes to hers.

 _Forgive him_. It sounded so easy and at the same time sounded impossible. But in some sense, she had already forgiven him, which is why she was home. The time was finally right and without Erik, without the threat of war looming over their heads – at least for the time being – they could start fresh.

"You broke my heart that night." She stated quietly, "I could forgive you, but I'm not sure I want to."

"And I wouldn't blame you if you didn't." he replied instantly, "I can't help but think if I had only told you how I felt that night – if I had just been honest with myself – then we could have avoided all this. You owe me nothing. I can only ask for your forgiveness and beg you to give me one last chance."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because I'm not afraid anymore, and if you give me that last chance, I'd like to spend the rest our lives proving it."

"Proving what?"

"Proving that I love you, Raven; that I've loved you all alone. I want to kiss you and everything that goes with it." She laughed through her tears as he quoted her words from that night, but the sadness remained in his eyes. "There's no going back, but we can start from here. We can make it better." She rested her elbows on her knees, leaning closer.

"Say it again…"

"I love you, Raven,  _Mystique_ , I love  _all_  of you." Her eyes closed, letting the words wash over like a wave, cleansing her of any remaining doubts.

"Do you know how long I've waited to hear those words from you, Charles Xavier?"

"Too long…much longer than I've been waiting to say them." His hand reached up, his fingers trailing along the edge of her face, "We can take this as slow as you'd like…"

"I'll have to think about it." There was silence as Raven stood and walked to the door. Waiting to hear him scream  _stop_  or  _wait_  but it only resounded in her mind.

"Although…" she said turning around. He let a soft sob relief escape his lips, swallowing his tears as she made her way back to him. "I did come all this way…and I think I've been waiting long enough."

"Sit down…" he said, patting his legs. Her eyebrows furrowed, "It's alright, you won't hurt me." With that she sat across his thighs, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissed him. It was a chaste, innocent brushing of their lips, a slow introduction of things to come.

"Sorry, I had to mess with you…just a little." She said, pulling back slightly. A broad smile crossed his lips.

"I can do that better…" she giggled, resting her hand to his cheek as Charles kissed her again – a little harder, a little more desperately, cupping her face in his hands. Her heart was racing, feeling as though she'd burst at the seams with the emotion of it all. She pulled away with a laugh.

"Charles…" he was beaming, not relinquishing his hold.

"I can do better, I swear…" The world slowed to a crawl as he kissed her once more, and Raven took the time to savor the moment. She'd been waiting nearly twenty years for this one moment. It was just a taste of what was to come – all her fear melted away, replaced with warmth and an overwhelming peace. The war had ended and her longing along with it. Her happiness was here, tangible, in her arms at this very moment – her future was bright with possibility once more. When her lips left his she rested her forehead rested against his, her fingers stroking his cheek.

"I love you." She whispered against his lips.

"I love you, Raven." His arms tightened around her waist as he pressed his lips to hers one last time. "Welcome home, my darling."

Raven rested her head to his shoulder, neither of them moving – neither letting go. She was home, and she was never leaving him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There will be a follow up to this story, an Epilogue if you will, but it will be its own story. I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to review and if you'd like to see anything specific in the Epilogue, leave a note. I'll try to fit it in if I can. :))) Until next time!
> 
> *In case you're curious, there is a deleted scene from X-Men: DOFP in which Raven comes home and Charles and Logan and Hank are with her. Logan tells her some of the future, but Raven is still annoyed with Charles. So if you were confused, that's the 'one night when she was home after Paris' and Charles tells her she'll find her room just as she left it. :))) *
> 
> you can watch it at http://www.digitalspy.com/movies/news/a599728/x-men-days-of-future-past-unveils-jennifer-lawrence-deleted-scene.html#~pmMfwbybmNOTbB (the quality is really good, you just have to scroll down a bit) or here, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDULOnkSCoU (but the quality isn't as good)


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